We purchased a bicycle for my now six year old son a couple of years ago. To be honest, he hadn’t shown much interest in it until recently. All of his friends used scooters to get around, and our son got quite good at getting to where he wanted to go via scooter.

Recently Mom decided to press the issue a bit. I got out his bike, gave it the once-over and pronounced it as being street ready, and he got started with it. And all was fine until…

The day I first took off the training wheels. He refused to ride the thing. But did I put them back on? Absolutely not!

Instead, I took off the pedals and lowered the seat a bit, which allowed him to push himself with his feet. Lots of small children do that here in Germany; in fact, his little sister has just such a bike (it has no pedals and no chain).

So he rode around on that for a few days, then started pushing himself faster and faster, then started picking his feet up as he was coasting…

Which was the answer we were looking for. This experience taught him how to balance himself without the pedals. So when I put the pedals back on today, he took right off and rode the thing like he had been doing it for months.

Of course, we now need to teach him to ride safely (but thankfully he’s a good boy and the lines of communication are open).

There was one minor glitch, however. At first, when I put the pedals back on (it was actually his idea; he asked me to put them back on), he was having trouble and was getting a bit frustrated. But just as soon as I told him that it was a “practice session” and that it was OK if he didn’t get the hang of it today, he immediately relaxed and took off pedaling.

The lesson? If there is one, pressure probably isn’t a good way to get small children to learn and perform.

If this post helped you teach your child how to ride their bike (or if it helped you in any other way), please leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

The Scene: Dad is typing away at the computer in his office, nose seriously buried in a project that’s already a week overdue. Children, age 6 and almost 3, are playing in Dad’s office while they watch a DVD.

The “Crime”: Almost 3 year old starts screaming at the top of her lungs. 6 year old brother immediately falls back into a defensive, “I didn’t do anything mode” while trying to out-scream almost 3 year old.

The Reaction: Dad sternly looks at children and says, “Stop it NOW! If you do it again you are BOTH going to bed! Look at me; do you understand what I just said?”

At which point almost 3 year old daughter looks back at him and with a slight smile (you know, the one that says, “I’m cute and I can get away with anything”), says, “No, Daddy!”

So Much For Discipline! We all had a good laugh at that point…

As I write this, my son (whom I shall refer to as Son) just informed me that he has decided to learn Spanish and is starting his quest by watching one of his movies on DVD in Spanish.

A few observations here:

• He figured out how to change the language on the DVD player.
• He’s only five years old (forgot that important point…).
• He already speaks three languages reasonably well: English, German, and Polish.
• I forgot to tell him that learning a foreign language is hard.

We do speak both English and Polish in our home because my wife is from Poland (and we both learned the other’s language). He does OK with German because he goes to the local German Kindergarten and plays with the neighborhood children a lot. So none of this is really surprising, and in a way, one more language probably isn’t a big deal for him (and I somehow suspect that French will be next, assuming we get enough movies with French language tracks).

But to him, learning a foreign language isn’t a big deal. He’s already the by-product of a dual language home and lives in a country that speaks a different language. But there’s one more important factor at play here:

I promised myself that I will NEVER tell him that something is too hard for him.

Did you ever hear statements like this?

“You’ll never make it to the Major Leagues as a pitcher / National Football League as a quarterback, so why try?”

I think differently. Right now, there are 30 Major League Baseball teams and each of them needs at least five starting pitchers, a couple of middle relievers, and a closer. Let’s say that’s nine pitchers per team. Multiply that times 30 and you have 270 pitchers.

Same thing in the NFL. Each team needs at least a starting and backup quarterback, so that’s at least 60 quarterbacks at any given time.

So instead of “don’t bother, it’s almost impossible”, I take a different approach. I tell my children, “Hey, somebody has to do it; why shouldn’t it be you?”.

And so what if he doesn’t make it to the NFL or never poses for the cover of a media guide for a baseball team? Just going out and doing his best, trying to excel, and applying discipline to a goal will serve him later in life. And eventually he will take these traits and apply them to an area where he does succeed.

But if he never learns how to be disciplined and work, I can almost guarantee failure.

So please; don’t discourage your children from doing something just because the odds seem almost impossible. Let them turn their childhood dreams into hard work that teaches them lifetime habits that can bring success to their lives.

And you never know; it could be your son (or even mine) who wins the Cy Young award 25 years from now. After all, somebody has to win it; why not Son?

Never say never.

Hasta luega,
Tom

A few of today’s challenges on the front lines of parenting:

* Teaching almost six year old son that you use the toilet brush AFTER you flush. At least he knows where it is…

* 2.75 year old daughter is being weaned from the pacifier. Just lots of gentle talking and encouraging, asking her to take the thing out of her mouth when she talks because Daddy doesn’t understand her… Things like that.

Of course, hiding the darn things works, too. She only remembers that she likes them when she sees them (well, she does remember at some other times but it’s rare), so out of sight, out of mind does seem to work here.

And lots of hugs and encouragement also works well.

Today’s blog post has been brought to you by the letter “G”, which is the letter that Son was working on in his Kindergarten lessons today.

Thanks,
Tom

My wife and I were talking in the car as we drove home today about something that we do as parents that her parents never did. It would make an excellent topic to talk about here on this blog and an upcoming post will include at least part of that observation.

But you won’t see it addressed as “something our parents didn’t do”. I don’t think that writing in such a style truly honors our parents and it isn’t something that pleases God and brings us closer to others.

Nevertheless, as I’ve grown up and grown older, I’ve been in several situations that I did not like. In almost every case, I promised myself that if I could do things differently some day that I would do it. Of course, in some cases, the wisdom of age (or other reasons) dictates that we DON’T do those things differently, but in many cases, doing things differently is definitely in our best interests.

And we are doing some things much differently than the way that my parents or my wife’s parents would have done. In fact, I personally am doing a lot of things differently than I did back when my adult daughters were the age of my small children. There’s nothing wrong with this; in fact, if I didn’t change some things, there are those who would (rightfully) accuse me of insanity (which is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results)!

But I’m not about to compare and contrast my parenting with that of my parents, my in-laws, or (almost) anybody else. While I do have a lot of experience to offer and share, it is my hope that you see the value in these articles without my having to compare it to somebody who is still gaining experience and wisdom. Making myself look good at the expense of somebody else — especially those who gave 100% to raise me and make me the person I am — is tasteless.

So while I’ll talk about a lot of things, you won’t always know all of the details. Sometimes, for various reasons (respect and love being a big one), it’s best to leave some things unsaid.

Thanks,
Tom

OK. I’ve changed the theme to something that’s (hopefully) a bit nicer. I just wanted to make a quick post so that the previous post (where I talked about the “old” theme) wasn’t the one on top.

I’d love to hear your comments.

And if you’d like to compare the old theme to the new, here are two links that will make it easy:

• Here’s a screen shot of the blog BEFORE the theme change (click here).
• Here’s a screen shot of the blog AFTER the theme change (click here).

I still need to center the blog on the page. It shifts all the way to the left in my web browser (Firefox 3) and I don’t like that.

Thanks,
Tom

P.S. — We’ll soon get back to the children. Olivia is sick today with a stomach virus and the house just isn’t the same when she doesn’t display her usual energy levels.

I own several blogs. Some of them are for business and some are for fun. This one (which I don’t update nearly often enough) is one of my favorites. I want to start posting more stories here based on the blessing I have every day as a father who has small children again after 25 years.

As a token of my commitment, I’m going to be updating this blog. I’ll start by putting up a new theme on this blog (this one is kind of plain and, uh, “boring”, isn’t it?), and then I’ll work on adding some additional pages. The bottom line is that I want this website to be an encouragement for you, and sometimes plain old black and white just doesn’t cut it.

And neither does a lack of material.

I do ask one favor in return; if you notice that something has changed and you don’t like it or if it breaks something, please leave a comment to this blog post. Or if I broke it really bad, please submit a ticket at my Help Desk (which you can reach by clicking here). I do appreciate your help.

Thanks again,
Tom

OK, I admit it. I didn’t exactly fall in love with disco music back in the 70s. I graduated from high school in 1976 and therefore consider myself an expert on the topic…

In fact, whenever I see a television show or movie that was filmed in the 70s, I wonder why in the world we ever allowed ourselves to be seen in public dressed like that!

Being a bit older now, I can appreciate the energy and talent that went into making disco music (and even like a few of ‘em, like “A Fifth of Beethoven”) — but still fondly remember the “Disco Sucks!” movement.

Well, my five year old son has no memory of the 70s, much less disco — but he does have a copy of the “Robots” movie. One of the extra features is the “Robot Dance”, and one of the options is a “Disco Lights” dance.

He loves it and just now told me that “Disco is cool!”

Now how in the world am I supposed to teach a child about the important things in life when he already has a positive disco experience?

All this experience as a parent and I’m losing it…

–Tom

Quite often, as we go about our everyday lives, we tend to overlook a lot and take things for granted. As the busy parents of children, we get wrapped up in the thousands of details that make up this thing called Life — and it’s easy to forget that our children have different perspectives. Yet taking a moment to look at things through their eyes can give us an entirely new perspective.

Take my five year old son, Sammy. He’s pretty typical: he likes his scooter, spends too much time in front of his Playstation (OK, it *WAS* mom’s Playstation at one point…), fusses when Mom gives him a meal that he doesn’t like (pretty much anything except macaroni and cheese), plays with his friends, is learning how to read, is conversant in three languages (English, German, and Polish… OK, maybe that last one isn’t typical, but it’s essential for him). In other words, from my perspective, he’s (thankfully) pretty normal (and special, of course).

Yesterday was a pleasantly warm day here, and as we were returning home in our car (which does not have air conditioning), Sammy’s little sister, lulled by the warm sun and warm air in the car, fell asleep in her car seat. Nothing unusual there. Once we got home, I unbuckled her from the car seat and carried her upstairs to put her in bed for the rest of her nap.

I’ve been working a mid shift and have an alarm clock set for 4:30 PM to make sure that I’m not late for work. As Sammy and I sat downstairs, trying to figure out the newest addition to his collection of Playstation games, the alarm clock went off.

And then we heard a sustained cry from Olivia’s room that was actually more of a shriek. For some reason, the alarm clock woke her up, and since she doesn’t like loud noises, she showed her displeasure and concern about this sudden noise that disturbed her sleep.

I ran upstairs to comfort her, followed by Sammy (that’s another thing he does pretty well; he looks after his little sister). I immediately asked Sammy to go to the other bedroom and turn off the alarm clock, which he did (side note: when children want to learn something, teach them. You never know when it’s going to come in handy).

Upon his return, Olivia said, “Clock loud. Sammy turn off clock!” But she didn’t just say it once; she kept on saying it all evening. And again today. All day today.

In other words, Sammy’s simple action made an impression on her. Sammy is her hero who saved her from the noise of the big, bad clock.

Olivia was upset. Sammy, her protector, took care of her. And forget the fact that Dad was the first on the scene — Sammy, not daddy, was the hero of the day.

It truly is amazing that children — who have not been on this planet for very long — are capable of learning fast and doing so much. Do take the time to teach your children the little things. Let them help. Encourage them to watch out for each other (and yes, Olivia does like to “lecture” Sammy when she thinks that he’s doing something he should not be doing!). While I can’t tell you exactly how the future will play out, I’m pretty confident that Sammy and Olivia will have a good, strong relationship for a long time to come. I’m glad that they chose to start working on it early in life.

Yes, Sammy, I love the way you take care of your little sister. You’re my hero, too!

Spiderman better watch out…

–Tom

Like most German neighborhoods, there’s a playground not too far from our house. To get there, you have to walk down a hill with a very gradual downslope for about 200 yards / meters. No big deal, right?

Unless you’re barely two years old and are riding one of those “walking trikes”.

By a “walking trike”, I mean a tricycle that has no pedals. You make it go by using your feet. That’s currently one of Olivia’s favorite toys, and as usual, she wanted to take it with her to the playground yesterday. She also wanted to ride it the whole way.

All was well until we got to the hill. What is a gentle slope for us becomes a challenge for a two year old on a walking trike! Sure enough, she got going too fast, rolled to the left, fell off the trike — and the trike landed on her. She wasn’t hurt, thankfully, but it did scare her.

All of this happened in an instant, and all I could do was react. I bent down, picked her up, and braced my ear for the expected scream. Sure enough, it came — but as soon as I started to comfort her, she suddenly said:

“I’m OK. I want down!”

And she said that between screams! Yes, this little toddler was DETERMINED to get back on that walking trike and finish the trip — and that’s exactly what she did.

Where did she get that? For sure, her mother and I are not quitters, but that’s really uncommon in somebody her age. Sure, she can be stubborn — what two year old isn’t at times? — but that’s not her nature. Perhaps she gets some of it from her older brother?

At any rate, I’m glad to see that quality in my “baby” (she told me yesterday that I can still call her that). And sometimes there’s a lot we adults can learn from a determined toddler!

–Tom